A Letter to My Past Self: Dark Days, Self Destruction & Pushing Through

To the Girl Who Feels Like Her World is Falling Apart

I know, it’s messy. It all feels so fucking inconvenient.

Because things were good. Things were finally starting to feel like they were falling into place.

So we thought…

And yet—here we are.

It doesn’t REALLY matter how we got here—although, yeah, replaying it in your mind? That stings like hell.

But that’s not the point. The point is, we’re here.

So… what now?

I know there’s a time and place for wallowing. The self-pity.

The stuffing tacos in your face while binge-watching yet another cop show because it numbs the ache just enough to make it through the night.

I get it. I’ve been there. I’ve been deep in it.

But where do we draw the line?

Because you know that saying about how nothing good happens after midnight?

Yeah, well, the same applies to pity parties. Nothing good happens when you stay in them too long.

At first, it’s just a night. Then a weekend. Then suddenly, you look up, and weeks have passed, and you don’t even recognize yourself anymore.

And maybe that thought makes you roll your eyes because yeah yeah, I know, I know, but—remember the last time?

Remember the time you let the self-destruction take over because it was easier than dealing with reality?

Remember how you swore it was just one more drink, one more skipped workout, one more “I’ll deal with this later”—until later became never?

And remember the moment you realized you'd let yourself disappear in the process?

You might not have put yourself on that path, but girl, you sure as hell settled in and paved the road wider.

And it’s okay. Because you learned something in that darkness.

But this time, we’re choosing the light.

Because we already know what happens when we let the flame go out completely.

So this time, we start small.

We do the little things to keep that flicker alive—just barely—until we regain the strength to burn again.

Self-destruction? Not an option.

I’m sorry, but we took the easy choice off the table.

And now? Now it’s time to face it.

But here’s what I know—you’ve survived 100% of your worst days.

And tomorrow? You’ll survive that one too.

And the next. And the next.

Until one day, you wake up after putting one foot in front of the other…

And you feel the warmth of the sun hitting your face again.

And you remember why pushing through was worth it.

You are worth it.

You’ve got this.

Keep going.