When Life Feels Like a Filler Episode

The gut punch I didn’t know I needed…

I’ve been in this weird space in life where I feel like I’m floating in limbo.

I’m not quite here, but I’m definitely not there.

The in-between. The figuring-it-out.

Or, as I keep calling it—the dumpster fire of transition.

But a question I came across recently has been messing with me in the best and worst way.

And that question is…

“What would it look like for you to trust the timing of your life right now?”

Oof. That hit hard.

Because it’s all fun and games to throw around phrases like “this too shall pass” and “trust the process” when life is smooth sailing.

But when you’re knee-deep in uncertainty, when you’re questioning everything, when you don’t even trust yourself—those words feel like a joke.

But the question called me out. Because if someone I love is going through something, I am the first person to tell them, It’s only a season. It’s not forever. You’ll get through this.

I can see the other side for them. I can believe in what’s waiting for them after the transition.

But for myself?

I’ve been avoiding looking too closely at the mirror.

Who the fuck am I to tell the people I love to trust the timing of their life if I refuse to do the same?

Gut punch.

So, I sat with the question. I let it roll around in my mind. I got brutally honest with myself about what I’ve actually been doing.

And the truth?

My actions have not been those of someone who trusts the timing of her life.

My actions are more like someone doing the bare minimum to get by. Someone who has been side-eying hope, afraid to let it in.

And that’s not who I am.

Or at least… that’s not who I want to be.

So, I sat with that question again. This time, I answered it.

What would it actually look like to trust the timing of my life?

And as I wrote down my answer, I felt something I hadn’t felt in a while—hope.

Because the words on the page weren’t full of frustration or waiting. They weren’t doom and gloom. They were joy.

Pure, simple joy.

— More beach walks.

— Taking myself out for lunch.

— Revamping my nighttime routine.

— Painting more.

— Giving my hair journey more TLC.

— Putting more effort into my friendships.

— Exploring new places.

— Building up my savings.

— Trying new recipes.

— Revamping my wardrobe.

— Decluttering my belongings.

— Laughing more.

And that’s when I remembered something so simple but so damn important:

What you focus on expands.

If you focus on the uncertainty, the fear, the waiting—what are you going to get? More of that. Because that’s the lens you’re looking through.

But if you focus on the small, tangible ways you can bring joy into your life right now—even in the messiness, even in the waiting—

you start to see more of those moments.

Because no matter how dark our days can get, joy is always there, sprinkled into our lives.

Sometimes, we just have to look a little harder to find it in the darkness.

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