You’re Never Too Old to Dance Until Sunrise…

Musings of city nights and starting over from my 29 year old self...

At barely 26 I looked around a popular nightclub filled with young souls, free hearts and a ridiculously sticky dance floor.

‘I am SO over this.’ I thought to myself.

I was grown now, I was mature.

I wasn’t like these younglings who struggled to keep down their liquor. That time had come and gone for me..or so I had thought.

I thought I had outgrown the late nights out dancing until sunrise.

Boy was I wrong.

How quickly life can change.

It’s like I blinked and boom, here I am at 29 a regular on the dance floor yet again. And I couldn’t be happier.

I’m currently in an undeniable love affair with late night (aka early morning) strolls through the empty city streets.

The pit stops to the little kebab shop on the way home that you wouldn’t even recognise in daylight.

The sound of tipsy laughter from randoms passing on the parallel streets.

The city lighting the way to my next destination, my bed.

Funny how you can see things in a different way after life changes you, your circumstances, your well being, your character.

When life comes ever so unexpectedly and drop kicks you so hard you lose your balance along with your sense of who you are.

That’s what happened to me.

I like to think it happens to the best of us when we least expect it, and if it’s anything like my situation, when your least prepared to handle it.

Let me take you back to 2012, a year that ended with me moving to Australia from Boston, Massachusetts only 2 days after my 25th birthday.

It all happened so fast, I remember walking into the office at the local Panera Bread Bakery/Café I worked at and giving them my two week (more like a week and a half) notice that I was leaving and moving across the world.

The amount of joy and satisfaction in my voice being able to say that to my boss is a feeling I wish EVERYONE experiences at least once in their life. It was pretty magical.

I don’t think it actually hit me until I was somewhere over the big blue ocean in the middle of the night.

On my first international flight and only my second trip ever on a plane. (The first only being a few short months before to California to visit my best friend)

It hit me, I had actually packed up my entire life in less than 2 weeks and was halfway to my destination on the other side of the world, Melbourne, Australia.

People told me I was crazy, my parents expected nothing less from me and my best friends sure did have some mixed feelings about me being so far but, I did it anyway.

What I didn’t do much of was…research.

I thought I’ll figure it out as I go. “Who does that?”

I thought to myself in the window seat of this big ass plane.

“You do Jamie, you do.” I silenced my own thoughts and took a deep breath wondering what was ahead for me on this new adventure.

So, there I was 25 years old, moving across the world in the name of love.

I was in a long distance relationship with an Aussie.

Oh, the joys of online dating.

And there I would spend the next 4.5 years learning so much about myself, Australia, life, relationships, and so much more.

Nothing would ever be the same for me again.

So, I did it. I moved and what was ahead for me was lots of ups and plenty of downs that had me spending the next few years in a relationship that wasn’t truly serving me. (look at 29 year old me minimizing my toxic and abusive relationship)

I was being called to grow, learn, stretch and challenge myself.

I am naturally ambitious.

But my relationship was keeping me small, it was dimming my shine.

It essentially turned me into everything I didn’t want to be as a partner and as a person.

Even though I knew this, I didn’t want to let go but in the end It wasn’t my choice.

A blessing in disguise.

But I fell in love with another during that time and boy was this love DEEP.

I fell in love with Melbourne.

And, when that happened I knew I was never going back home, not to live anyway.

This was home for me.

I mean really, did I think I was going to get out of living in the “world’s most liveable city” without falling in love?

I don’t think I even had a chance. Melbourne is simply amazing.

Then started the chapter of my newly single life, in a city that I had hardly explored even though I had been in the country for 4 years.

As heartbroken as I was at the time, I was also beyond excited!

This was a HUGE dream of mine, living in the city.

I lived in New York City for about a year which was another dream of mine that I was lucky enough to live.

I have ALWAYS wanted to live in the city.

I have always had so much love for cities.

For as long as I can remember.

My parents tell me stories of 3 year old Jamie jumping on tables exclaiming passionately of going on trips to Paris.

How a three year old knows anything about Paris is beyond me but, I made a promise to that three year old version of myself and I will scratch Paris off my bucket list before you know it.

You wait and see.

So, here I am.

Just a girl from a small town in Massachusetts who moved across the world, living in a gorgeous city and learning how to love herself and life all over again.

I’m completely evolved from the 25 year old who moved here back in 2012. And for that I’m grateful.

If I had to go through every challenge and hardship to get me to where I am in this very moment, writing to you from my apartment in the city, peppermint tea by my side, my favourite tunes in the background, I absolutely would a million times over.

Life isn’t what you get, it’s what you make of it.

And, I’m determined to make 29 the most magical year yet.

So, if you’re keen to follow along (Yep, I’ve accidentally picked up some aussie slang #sorrynotsorry) then I welcome you to do just that because we’re just getting started my friends.

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Present Day

37 year old me sitting in my beachside apartment, still living in Melbourne.

Feeling like deja vu reading where I was at 29.

This is why I love documenting my life.

why I love writing and having a space for my musings because so much has changed.

Yet, here I am going through similar circumstances in my 30’s.

Starting over, rebuilding, healing.

I chuckled to myself a lot while reading this because I was still such a baby.

I’m sitting here like “oh, sweet baby you still have so many lessons ahead.”

I still had (& apparently still do have) so much to learn. I’m constantly learning, evolving.

I still think the 29 year old me who wrote that was still a bit niave if im being honest.

She had no idea how to tackle a healing journey from such a devastating break up.

And that journey would actually impact me in ways that I am still working through today.

She got wrapped up in being so excited about this new chapter,

that she kind of just coasted through life on autopilot for a bit.

But somewhere in our early 30’s we got hit with reality, a little wake up call — that got us a bit more clear on what we wanted to build for ourselves.

The freedom we were craving never left,

I think we just gained more insight as to what path was going to get us there.

(& I think I’m still navigating that today)

But, she got me here today. So, I have to thank her for that.

We survived. We are surviving.

We are learning, but most importantly, we have better tools for coping and healing.

So, while it feels like deja vu, I know it’s a different version of me walking this path.

It can be so hard to not blame our past selves for not knowing better, not choosing better,

but one thing i try to remind myself is that we are all living this human experience for the first time. there is no rule book.

we are all doing the best that we can with the skills and knowledge we have at the time.

once we know better, we can do better.

it is not our job to judge our past selves.

but we can learn from them. we can choose differently from them.

we can extend grace to them for doing the best they could with what they had available.

knowing that it’s all leading us to where we’re going.

wherever that might be. whoever that might be.

every day is a new day to make a new decision.

so, what good does it serve any of us to dwell on the past?

so that’s where you’ll find me for now…looking forward & embracing new beginnings.

until next time,
J xo